The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
