this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize