Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
