Just took my morning after pill in the library
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
