wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
