This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
