from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
