So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
