Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
