her vagine was all disorganized.
Soap is not a condiment
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
