she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
