the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
