So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My pussy is not your playground.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
