dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize