Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
