He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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