Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
