told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
