Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
