You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
