i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
