Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
