note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
