Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
