...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
