he shaved USA in his pubs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
