I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
