maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
