Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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