I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
