Do you still have your period?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
