You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
