You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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