every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
