I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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