Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
