i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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