i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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