I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
