Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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