Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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