about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
