I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
