im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize