the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
