My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
