How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
