No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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