Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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