We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
