he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
