Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
