It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did I show you my penis last night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
