I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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