hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
