Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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