i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
