I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
