when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
