I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
