The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
