So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
