I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
