He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
