i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
