I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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