All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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