my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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