I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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