If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
