Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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