She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
