You can't special order awesome
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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