I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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